


Scalars and Harrowing Memories

by hpotps



Series: The Ultimate List of OTPs [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2571062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpotps/pseuds/hpotps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Formerly Scale of 1-10]</p><p>"On a scale of 1-10, how bad does it hurt?"</p><p>Or the 10 times Steve was in pain, the (bonus) two times Steve and Bucky's pain broke the scale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scalars and Harrowing Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I'm beginning a new series of one shots, all inspired by one of the 274 (and counting) list of AUs. The majority of these one shots will be Marvel, unless I find a more suitable OTP for the challenge! 
> 
> Enjoy!

**1**

"Just hold up your fingers. Give me a 1-10 how bad does it hurt?" Bucky asked.

Steve shakily held up one finger, coughing harshly.

It wasn't bad, just a cold. But his chest ached from the coughing nonetheless.

**2**

"C'mon, scale of 1-10." Bucky said.

Steve held up two fingers, spitting out blood onto the sidewalk. "I had him on the ropes, Buck."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

**3**

"Scale of 1-10?" Bucky asked quickly.

Three fingers. He had one up this morning. His ailments were getting to him this time. Bucky swore and went to get another cold rag.

**4**

"Don't ask me this time." Steve said, he didn't want to talk about it.

"How many fingers?" Bucky asked anyway, ignoring him.

Steve glared at him but obediently held up four fingers.

Those four fingers didn't represent the way Steve cried like a six. Bucky liked Steve's dad, he was a good man. He didn't understand why Steve would only say four, it actually broke Bucky's heart thinking about it, _'if losing a parent is a four, what in the hell is his ten?'_

**5**

"Shit Steve, I think it's broken." Bucky diagnosed prematurely."How bad does it hurt?" He asked.

"Five fingers" Steve said, "I can't actually move them." He chuckled at the thought of not being able to move his 'pain calculator.' Chuckling again at the delirious name he gave it.

"Fuck. We need to get you to the hospital."

**7**

Steve utterly collapsed when he heard the news.

 _'My deepest condolences.'_ The paper read, but Steve couldn't feel it. His mother had just died in the Ward and he wasn't so much as allowed to go see her. She suffered for eight days without him, casting him away the moment she got sick. "If I lose myself, I want to think that at least my baby boy is alive." She said.

"Seven." He sobbed. "Seven seven sevensevensevenseven..." He ran off in wracked sobs continuously repeating the number into Bucky's shoulder. Bucky could only rub his hand up and down the boy's back in a soothing gesture.

"C'mon..."

**6**

"...we'll put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. All you have to do is take out the trash and rub my feet or neck or something." Bucky handed Steve his spare key, opening the door and walked inside, bee lining straight to the bedroom and packing up Steve's clothes.

Later that night, when he thought Bucky was asleep, Steve decidedly dragged his nail along Bucky's arm and then poked him firmly four times, _'six.'_ Bucky smiled.

For the first time, he made Steve's pain just a little bit less.

**8**

Steve's face scrunched up and he dragged his nail along Bucky's disrobed back three times and prodded him twice, _'Eight.'_

Bucky almost pulled out.

Steve pulled him close and breathed in his ear, "No... Just go a little slower."

**9**

"...or worse they'll actually take you." Bucky said.

Steve almost choked out a sob. They'd danced around this topic but Bucky never said this out loud so Steve could pretend Bucky believed in him either way.

Now he can't.

_'I just want to do something right. Do something great. Be more like you.'_

**10**

"Grab my hand!" Steve screamed.

The metal ground together and broke away, Bucky plummeting to his death.

When Peggy found him in the destroyed bar she asked him, "How are you doing?"

"Ten." He said, choking on a sob, finally breaking down.

**+**

"Bucky?" Steve gasped. Steve would give anything to be struck by lightning, or shot in the head, or anything that would prevent him from seeing his best friend's face again.

_Regret (n)._

_A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done_.

"I'm so sorry." He choked out. Bucky's eyes were caged, like a trapped animal; contradicting the wild shock to them. His gun wavered and aim faltered as he lowered the weapon. 

Later, when all the chaos was over and Sam put a well-aimed bullet in Bucky's leg, Steve found the Winter Soldier in Stark's infirmary. 

"I'm sorry Bucky, so sorry." Steve breathed. He placed a hand on Bucky's leg and he winced. "How bad does it hurt?" He questioned.

"4." Bucky said, and Steve's head shot up. 

"You used to make me rate my pain on a number scale, had me hold up fingers between 1 and 10. Up until today the highest number on the scale had been a 10. That was when you died." Steve sucked in a breath. He was supposed to find a link where he could find one no matter how painful. This could be his link, could drudge the old Bucky from this new, false version. "And today, when I saw you on that bridge, I swear I hit an 11." Bucky looked at him steadily, taking in the new information. He saw flashes of Steve with a cold, of the two of them rutting together, of the day Steve's mother's funeral. He remembered numbers being drawn into his skin with Morse Code. "I shouldn't have been in any pain but when I saw you I remembered the night that Dernier told me that you might still be alive. That the snow could have cushioned your fall. I didn't believe him. I wouldn't let myself. I had just accepted that you were dead and I wasn't ready to reopen that wound. Not so soon. And I hit an 11 when I saw you, knowing that I didn't even look for you. I didn't even try. I just gave up on you." Steve sobbed.

**++**

Bucky remembered the scale now.

_"I just gave up on you."_

 

_'Is this what an 11 feels like?'_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone, during school today! I'm so sorry about any grammatical errors! I've edited to the best of my abilities on this mobile device, but I'm only human. 
> 
> The second bonus is a foreshadowing, sneak peek paragraph to part 2 of this work which will be the same format but from Bucky's point of view.


End file.
